People-Pleasers – World’s Greatest Suckers
People-Pleasers:
The World’s Greatest Suckers
(Thanks to Lori Bingaman for corrections)
Introduction
The following paper is not a Scriptural exposition, but opinion–and should be viewed as such. If you find evidence of truth, believe it.
A people-pleaser is one who strongly desires to look good or be pleasing to others. A drive for social success is often the motivation.
People-pleasers wear masks. Any distasteful or dislikable quality must be hidden, including proper anger and all depression. The goal is to be liked, and folks who are always in a good mood and funny, or who can be walked on, tend to attract more friends. Built up anger and bitterness must be suppressed.
DRUGS
A people-pleaser must have a way to escape pent-up angers, hurts and bitterness. They are sometimes too difficult to hide, and a good reputation must be maintained. One way to mask feelings is through drugs that enable some to temporarily forget. Drug users can avoid pain and emotional releases perhaps to the grave. It is better to die popular than to live alone (or so it may seem). ‘Friends’ are helpful and willing to lend a needle. People-pleasers are the life of the party, and make the party successful.
ALCOHOL
While alcohol isn’t quite as effective as stronger drugs, it helps some folks open up. Some can be very funny, while others freely express their bitternesses and resentments. Of course, the combination of drugs and alcohol is perfect for really putting a person into an altered state (or even the grave).
ABUSE
Some people-pleasers seek the façade and glory of martyrdom. These abused persons give themselves for others while showing the greatest strength of toleration, defending their personal abusers against would-be rescuers. Shouldn’t one be willing to die for love? They are true heroes and heroines. Abused persons don’t like their personal abusers abusing others. This steals the glory! If an abusive husband picks on the children, the abused wife must heroically stand between; she is the saviour! She knows that she deserves the abuse. She must please her husband, and she doesn’t mind if others find out about her carefully kept secret, as long as they don’t interfere. She has something to live and die for!
COMPLIMENT-FISHING
People-pleasers sometimes fish for compliments. They will wait a short time to receive commendations, and if they do not come, will ask: “Do you like my…?” Then the compliment-fisher will ask again, at times: “Do you really like it? Huh?” They get a high off of compliments, and the voluntary ones are the best, helping with self-esteem.
OVERWORKERS
An overworker or ‘workaholic’ also tries to please people. He thinks he is doing the work for its own sake and because it is right to do. He is truly doing the work to maintain his standing in the sight of those whom he respects, fearing that he might not be able to maintain and will lose his friends. Such a person lives in an underlying constant fear. Ups and downs in the success of his venture control his moods. He is a slave.
OPINION-CHECKERS
This people-pleaser always wants to know what others think of him. He wants everyone to think highly of him, and is hurt if anyone doesn’t. Suicide is a good way to achieve this goal if nothing else works. He figures he will be highly esteemed, almost viewed as a hero, at his funeral, where all will mourn the loss of such a valuable life.
FAVOUR-GRANTERS
These people-pleasers give themselves to others freely in slave service or in sexual ‘favours’ service. There are few things they wouldn’t do to please others. They enjoy attention.
WILLY-NILLIES
These people-pleasers will agree with whatever is being said at the time. They want acceptance. These are usually the least successful at pleasing others, and are often despised and mistrusted behind their backs.
GIVER-GIVERS
These people-pleasers give to get praise (compliments). They must give. They receive approval and love by this means. Some see that they are trying to buy relationships, and will take their gifts without approving of them.
ARROGANT SHOW-OFFS
Some people-pleasers use clever words, deeds and dress. They can be very good at cutting down others, using humour to do so. They are usually disliked except by folks entertained by their stunts or who want to emulate them. They are attractive and popular, and will fail in relationships. Folks will join them to be in the limelight, hoping to have part of their radiance.
POPULARITY JOINERS
Some people-pleasers figure that the company they keep will determine whether or not they will be liked. They join themselves to the most popular folks, hoping the popularity will rub off. They drop anyone who falls from success. Politicians and deeply religious folks often fit into this category.
TALKERS/GOSSIPS
The talker/gossiper always has juicy morsels of information about others and situations, and his popularity depends on what he can say about others (especially in a non-complimentary way). Such a person will violate confidences for the sake of popularity.
The people-pleaser must always work hard to maintain popularity. A people-pleaser who doesn’t please becomes very depressed. He would much rather be abused than face the pain of not being pleasing. He is gullible, a first class sucker, a slave. The façade is everything there is.
GOD-PLEASERS
A very few have determined to please Yehovah (the Biblical God of Israel). They know they will pay a price. They are not the religiously popular, and will not gain much rank with normal folk.
If humility is knowing where one stands before God and man, and living according to that knowledge, people-pleasers have none. They have either low self-esteem or high self-esteem, which constitute pride, having a wrong view of where one stands before God and man, and living according to it. Self-esteem is viewing one’s self-worth in terms of others. God is not the issue, but self. Self-worth is still selfish.
God-pleasers think about what pleases God much more than what pleases others, while people-pleasers focus on self even while doing what appears to be a selfless act. People pleasers do not normally demonstrate the deepest form of love (seeking the highest, best interest in another person without regard to one’s own self), but can faithfully stick with an evil person at the cost of self-destruction.
Is there hope for a people pleaser? Yes, there is a small hope for all who have great pride. If he pleases only God, and is equipped with truth, he can show great valiance. All must be born of God and have faith in order to please Him.
What about you?
Contact James with your questions, nasty comments and protests at this link: Saar Shalom Center.